I love being a mom. A mommy. A mother. I am grateful for the four children I've been able to have, even though doctors told me that giving birth was more likely not to be something I'd ever experience for medical reasons. I love that I've been able to watch them grow, each with different personalities and mannerisms, each one unique. Our youngest, Noah, is 5. The time to have another baby has come and gone. After Noah was born, my doctor told me it was time to stop having children. My uterus had fought a good fight and it was time to be done. My heart ached a little, but deep down I knew that I had all the children I needed to have and that our family was perfectly complete.
I have spent the last five years watching my kids grow into little people while my body has tried with all its might to heal. And it's done a fine job but my uterus is not a happy camper. And it lets me know that loud and clear every time my you-know-what comes around. I've been miserable and it landed me in the hospital once, only to temporarily take care of my dilemma. I need a permanent solution. So in one month, I will begin that process. I will soon be joining thousands of other women who've had a hysterectomy and, quite honestly, I don't think I've ever looked forward to something so much in my life. My baby-making days are over. Sigh.
I didn't give that reality much thought until today when I was unpacking and came across an unmarked tote in our living room. I opened the lid and found that it was half full of baby boy clothes - thrifted yellow pajamas Noah wore while in the NICU, the first pair of baby jeans I bought that didn't have buttons up both legs (remember those??) , the knitted jacket Noah wore home from the hospital, and a vintage Mickey Mouse shirt the Mr. wore when he was a baby. These clothes are special. So they will be packed away and saved for my sons to pass on to their sons.
All things must come to an end, I suppose, and this chapter in my life is about to be finished. But I am so looking forward to this new chapter with hope and excitement. I feel like it's the right time for all of this to take place. I'm ready for the future.